It's been awhile...

But i asure you i have not abandoned you, just been a a little busy. I have found myself amongst like minds lately and i am about to start a more active chapter in my life. I will start with Friday night when i took a look at my planner (a time management project for class) and relized i was doing it again. My life was once again starting to become a monotony of work, school, and home without any thought of devoting time to me. I promised Jezz i would take more time to learn more about me, and devote more time to things that i liked for the sole purpose of my own enjoyment. Yet i was at a block, i had noted the problem but what would i do about it. Then looking through my email i ran over that letter again. The one from a local BDSM group, inviting me to the next meeting that just so happen to be the next day. Fate at work. I had been putting it off for two months and i decided to take a chance and go. There was nothing i had to lose, i had discused it with Jezz weeks ago and had only been making excuses not to go, so i went. It was better that i had imagined, no one made me feel unwelcome or left out. The classes were informative and valid, and i even met some interesting people. I will give you the details another night, but all in all i am glad i went.

My secret tears...

So i just read this lovely post by Tyr...
And it got me thinking. I had a scene like this once. My husband was trying some new things on me (he does this once in a while to see how i react and try to figure out what i like, he is still new to this D/s thing.) He went farther than he has ever before. Biting and pinching me, and the pain was almost more than i could take, but he kept at it until tears formed and leaked from my eyes. Then he stopped, i think the tears confused him, he didn't know if he was truly hurting me or what, and i was too far from my brain to speak on what i was feeling. All i did know was that i was having the same conflict with in myself. I wanted to keep going, even though it hurt. I wanted to see how much i could take, and i was at ease with giving him my tears, to me he desreved it. It was one of the few times that i wasn't giving a measured reaction, i was just feeling, and although it hurt to me it also felt soooo good. The next day i had a bruise on my inner thigh where he bit down that last time. I poked at it all the next day remembering and getting aroused at the though of what he did. I have never told him about that , and we have never mentioned it again, but i am always looking for that feeling of being lost and just allowing my self to feel without thinking about my reaction.